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homeless goes to more hospitals

 

Ah yes, the day comes when you have to confirm the family jokes about you being a hypochondriac. I swallowed a fish bone a week and a half ago and my throat still hurts probably as a consequence. After a week I decided to go get checked BUT this time S and I went to the fancy western hospital Richland. Strange experience, it was like entering a hotel. Fake plants and fake colonial style furniture AND Celine Dion playing in the background, what more could you want? They were nice and clean (almost sterile I would say) and I felt very bad for not taking S there when she was sick. We were chaperoned around by various nurses, doctors and receptionists; the musical accompaniment to this was an instrumental version of “my hear will go on.” Then you step outside and its horribly hot (oh yes, Kunming seems to have forgotten that it’s the city of eternal spring and is opting for a more “eternal july” approach to existence), the streets are huge and the buildings massive, cars rush around but there’s also a good amount of people walking along the sidewalks lined with trees. That’s the thing, in the US you could find such large streets, but no people on the sidewalks, in Europe you’d find those sidewalks but in some quaint little beach-side resort. It’s got it all, I guess?

The next day I accompanied S to get a physical. If you want a visa that lasts more than six months, you need to get one. If you’re in Kunming you need to explore the area surrounding the airport to find the “international hygienic center” or whatever the place is called. Finding it was hard enough. Knowing it’s very close to the airport the first step is to figure out which bus can take you there. This shouldn’t be hard except that other people—possibly people who happen to be your Vietnamese teacher’s pet wannabe classmate who no one can understand due to his really bad accent and strange attitude—might have mentioned the wrong bus number. Anyhow, getting there was not hard, it’s getting back at rush hour that is a different story altogether. After wandering in that grey heat that smells of asphalt and sewage we finally found the building. It’s ironic that it is located right next to a canal that looks like an open sewage for a nuclear power-plant. Anyhow inside the building it is actually clean and organized. Many Chinese men stared at us, but a small elderly Sri Lankan man came up and started talking to us almost immediately as we were standing in line. “I received a scholarship to study Chinese, AT MY AGE!” he grinned, he had various rotten teeth. He was waiting for his friend and explained all the procedures S would have to go through. He seemed lonely and out of place, but also quite excited and cheerful. After that he disappeared. Meanwhile, S got her chest checked (on the ground floor), gave urine and blood samples (on the first floor), got chest X-rays and ultrasound scans (back on the ground floor, but for some reason you should do it in this order), and other things that I’m not even clear about… then comes the best part: you need 3 passport-sized pictures. “you don’t have one? No problem, just go outside at the china mobile store.” So we do. The store is closed, but two friendly kids working at the convenience shop next door tell us to wait. Eventually, as we inspect gross-looking ginger candy, a man shows up. S goes to get her pictures as I debate whether I should buy strange-looking Thai coconut candy or not. As I opt for gummy coke bottles, she comes out of the little shop enraged. The man wants to charge her 20 yuan and we both know that’s too much because I have had my pictures taken before in Kunming. We sit in the little convenience store while the man goes off claiming he has business to attend elsewhere. He comes back after a few minutes and declares that 15 yuan is the lowest he’ll go. S glares at him with outrage. I try to push for 10 yuan, but to no avail. The man leaves us sitting in diminutive stools in a convenience store on a back-road near the airport. We decide to walk back to the hygiene center. More discussions ensue as the man comes into the building with us, apparently no one seems to find 20 yuan expensive. S continues to be outraged. The man and the ladies at the reception continue discussing apparently reaching a compromise that we are not willing to accept. Then, suddenly it occurs to everyone (and to the man’s disappointment) that S can just bring pictures in when she goes back next week to pick up the results of the tests. Finally everyone is content (except for the man who remains in the same position and stares at us walking away with confusion) and we can head back home (an hour long bus ride thanks to the horrible traffic jams… ah, don’t you love 6 million people cities with no subways???).

 

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homeless eats at a cult restaurant and more

 

Actually there’s not much to say about the second-hand market. Just that it’s not far from the supreme master’s restaurant and that it’s dusty. There’s pictures, so I thought I should address it. Hah. The supreme master Ching Hai has a world-wide network of followers who promote chaste love and vegetarianism. One of her ‘love shacks’ or whatever they’re called (ah, yes, let me point out that one cannot miss the signs all over the hall which read ‘love shack’ ‘go veggie’ ‘love green’ etc.), is in Kunming. Women work there making vegetarian food which is disturbingly similar to fatty meat in flavor. The “vegetarian chicken curry” tasted so much like fat I couldn’t eat it, I am NOT vegetarian. The 饺子 (dumplings) were good, but the food was definitely NOT why one would go there. A tv screen constantly set on suprememasterTV attracts commands everyone’s attention (and there aren’t many people). The supreme master is a middle aged Asian woman who is in telepathic contact with Martians and part of whose face seems to be recovering from a paralysis. I recommend that you go see her website or, even better, the Wikipedia page. It IS worth it. Just to make it clear we’re not talking about raelians (someone mistook the restaurant for a raelian joint, but NO) from my understanding of it she’s only in contact with Martians, we’re not actually from outer space. But don’t take my word for it, I only ate there once (my new room-mate L. on the other hand is quite a fan for reasons that escape my understanding…)(I think the reasons may have to do with the idea that he’s funding a Martian organization)(which is an incorrect belief). ANYWAY, I was talking about the amazing tv station, where conferences and infomercials are subtitled in 30 languages. This makes it VERY hard to follow anything. Yet, I did understand that the talk aired at the time had taken place in Mexico, or at least I assumed so since the Governor (or whatever his title was) of Veracruz was attending and even spoke himself.

But enough about the supreme master (although apparently they deliver for free).

I will not get into the details about my personal experience with Chinese non-boyfriends. But it may just be that a chinese man may decide you're meant to be after randomly meeting you during a trip in the Nujiang valley and might declare his love to you after less than a week since meeting you and drunk text you regularly after that. It is particularly embarrassing when eventually you have to tell them to stop texting you since you have run out of money and do NOT want to deal with the drama. They might just buy 200 yuan in minutes on your phone. This might of course only happen if the Chinese man in question is quite wealthy and owns an SUV that is (literally) twice the size of your room. The SUV may or may not also be padded in leather and have tinted windows. After swallowing a fish bone at the third (completely innocent) dinner and having my hand held I decided it was time to clarify that I was not going to be his girlfriend. After days of despair he informed me that all he wanted was to be an older brother towards me. It may also be that he texts you with interesting chinese jokes that have to do with fish, cats and elephants...

 

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homeless goes to the hospital (part 1)

 

Standing in line is always annoying. When it’s because the doctor in the hospital your flat-mate spent the night in did not write out a prescription but rather scribbled the name of a drug on a piece of paper it’s ESPECIALLY annoying. Let me explain this. She woke up in the middle of the night with a high fever. H1-N1 is on everyone’s mind. She woke me up at 1:30 am and we went to the hospital. I was very confused and for a moment was actually grateful it wasn’t time to go for class. What an illusion. We also felt lucky that there was a hospital just around the corner. Everyone was asleep. A guard (since in China there’s ALWAYS a security guard) directed us to the ER. A nurse on her cell-phone was startled by us. She put on her little hat and came out to assist us. A doctor came, probably in his early 30s; he looked really young and giddy. The first thing he did was to send me to another building to buy a notebook where he could write his diagnosis. I almost walked in the intensive care unit. A startled nurse (many of those, let me tell you) sent me away. I found the right building. A sleepy guard with a lazy eye helped me wake up the girl behind the counter, I paid 5 jiao (5 eurocents) and got the stupid notebook. It looked like my school notebook. The lady behind the counter seemed to share my irritation.

My flat-mate’s fever was quite high, the doctor concluded after taking her temperature with a thermometer that had been soaking in a murky-looking liquid. She needed a blood test. I was sent again to the other building where the lazy-eyed guard helped me wake up another doctor. He analyzed the sample on some fancy-looking computers. The building was so dirty and derelict that this sort of reassured me and surprised me at the same time. I came back to a teary-eyed friend. They wanted to give her x-rays. She was tired, weak and scared. I reassured her. One X-ray won’t give you cancer…We followed our friendly doctor. I don’t remember when I paid, I was sort of in a constant state of shock. Speaking about medical things in Chinese at 3 in the morning is not my favorite activity, although I had to do it various times over the coming week.

The state you’re in when you’ve only slept for 3 hours and then find yourself in the position of translator/comforter/choice-maker/bellboy is one close to sleepwalking. You try to figure out what’s normal and what isn’t and to pretend everything is ok, but it’s scary. “do you know what H1N1 is?” we replied that we’d come because we feared that’s what she had. He almost jumped. “they have it in America?” “She doesn’t know anyone who has it… maybe in the airplane?” We had to explain this various times. Particularly to a stern-looking doctor who seemed to be higher up in the hierarchy. “do you have any Chinese friends? Did you get this in China?” We were tired and confused, we also had no answers to some of their more cryptic questions.

At some point, while we were waiting outside the x-ray room observing an insect as long as my pinkie crawling around the hallway, they decided that she did not, in fact, have H1-N1. I was sent to buy a couple of I.V. and some antibiotics from a sleepy-looking pharmacist inside the hospital. I first had to pay the grumpy lady at the cash-desk and then the doctor took it on himself to pound on the pharmacist’s door. As we returned to the ER, he asked me if procedures were that 麻烦 (bothersome) in foreign hospitals. I diplomatically replied that I didn’t really know because my father was a doctor. He commented that every country has it’s麻烦 aspects. I nodded in silence. My friend and I were led to a room with beds. A sign in front of the room said “observation ward.” A few people were sleeping in the beds, but the nurse turned on all the lights and spoke loudly. We were embarrassed. Eventually S-my flatmate-gave in and lay down on one of the beds. The sheets were dirty and stained. I tried to sleep. I really did. The problem is that there is such a thing as a chair that is too hard for me to sleep on. Aside for the fact that it wasn’t cold it was actually worse than the benches in the Vienna airport where I spent the night a couple of years ago. Aside from that, the fact that S felt woozy and threw up and that we could hear a baby crying hysterically, an old lady shouting and someone coughing the whole night long did not contribute to my peace of mind.

The next morning I stared in bewilderment as people came and left the ward. Sheets were never changed; at most, a nurse would come by and fold the duvet. It seemed as though EVERYBODY and their mother were getting an I.V. According to an Italian class-mate of mine it’s wildly popular here. I’m not sure what that actually means, though. We waited and waited until her IV was finally done around 10 am. We were confused. No one seemed to pay any attention to us. Finally we managed to grab a doctor’s attention. She was to come back in the afternoon. And she did not have H1-N1 because her throat didn’t hurt. She should go buy the medicine that the night shift doctor had told us to buy. She made it seem easy.

We went to the so-called “out-patient pharmacy” at the far entrance of the hospital. A nurse sitting at a desk shouted at her colleagues. They had the medicine. We had to go pay for it she said. We headed towards the cash desk in another building. We had to stop and ask along the way, but finally got there. We explained our problem to a nurse at the information desk. She stared at us and pointed at a cash window. It’s horrible how your exuberance and feeling of having succeeded can just crash when from one window you’re directed back again. I really hoped it was not the long line. The nurse at the information desk confirmed my worst fears. We had to stand in the long line. At the end of the line a doctor sitting behind what looked like a school desk wrote out prescriptions. I collapsed on a chair as SP (my other flat-mate) took care of S and stood in line. I stared blankly at the doctor who wrote out prescriptions like an old calligraphy master or a cleric in Medieval Europe. I handed out a yuan to a man with a horrible-looking cancer on his neck. He continued moving up the line pointing at the protuberance on his neck and pushing his hand forward. The doctor now looked more like the local letter-writer in a town of illiterates. People peered over his shoulder and commented on his beautiful handwriting. I stared at the disgusting ads against smoking that were being passed on a big tv-screen overhead. By the time we got the medicine I was in a complete state of shock. That means that the 6 flights of stairs I had to walk up to make it back home were particularly painful that morning.

 

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homeless seeks apartment

The thing about looking for an apartment for rent in China is that you have to do it in Chinese. Oh, yes, it may well be different in Beijing or Shanghai, I have no doubts about that, but take my word for it, Chinese is most definitely essential if, as I was last week, you’re looking for one in Kunming. Of course, one may point out that there are useful websites such as www.gokunming.com where it’s easy enough to post an announcement in English. That is true, but, here’s the thing, you get a very limited selection and also, even more important, I did post one such announcement and no one answered. Ah! (You might think) I am mostly sour and resentful then… ok, so maybe. As the rational person I am I will tell you the truth; it’s just hard to find a 4-bedroom apartment with furniture, that is up for rent for 6 months only, is less than 3500 yuan a month and is not too far from the university. Anyhow, I do not want to ruin the suspense, but I did find an apartment. In fact, I should say ‘we did’ since I had two of my five room-mates with me during the hunt. As I pointed out before (so hard to keep the topic straight) it was crucial that we could communicate in Chinese. On the other hand, it was excruciatingly hard to go to agency after agency focusing 100% of the time trying to catch every word and understand all the different accents (as it turns out people in Yunnan have terrible accents, for example the “ch” sound is a “z” sound to them and the same goes for “sh,” it can get VERY confusing… not to mention that many people belong to ethnic minorities that speak local dialects). It was a bit of a shock therapy.

We started the “hunt” on the 27th of August, we signed the contract on the 31st . I had landed in China on the 25th . Sometimes as I held the paper cups filled with warm water that they insisted on handing us every time we went into a new tiny agency, I was just overwhelmed by how surreal it all was. You sit in these filthy couches while the agent-usually a middle aged woman or a young man-flips through the pages of a notebook filled with phone numbers and short descriptions. Usually some other person, either a colleague or a random and undefined person with nothing better to do than hang around the office, lurches behind her shoulder pointing at pages or telling her of some apartment they have heard about. Calls are made, shouting follows and maybe we’d get to go see some apartment. Sometimes the agents just leaves, often without explaining why, and you sit uncomfortably while other people (presumably clients although they do not seem to be doing anything except maybe sip warm water as well) also sitting around the small coffee table that takes up most of the space in the office stare. One lady couldn’t stop telling me how pretty I was. It sort of added to the general discomfort. I wonder if I should have told her that she was also pretty. She wasn’t. She was wearing a ton of makeup that made her look like a freaky theatre actress. Also, I’ve always wondered, isn’t it just awkward when you reply to a compliment with another? It seems like you’re doing it only because you have to, even when you’re sincere.

In one place 4 different agents looked through different notebooks at different times. Finally one who was wearing a lovely t-shirt (Dolce and Gabbana, original security trademark, do what you feel like doing, made in Italy)(yes, that was the sequence and yes, it was all on the same side of the t-shirt) remembered about some place (so much for his colleagues’ notebooks) and took us there. It turned out that it had no furniture. It seemed to be particularly hard to convince agents that although there were only 3 of us in their office we really needed a 4 bedroom apartment because two others would be joining us soon. Some tried to show us 3 bedroom apartments in the hope that we would ditch our other prospective flat-mates (“oh, this one actually only has 3 bedrooms but it’s SO pretty,” as you’re already walking to a place you’d assumed would have 4 bedrooms as you’d asked), others would point out that that we could share a room. Yet, when we finally looked at a three-bedroom apartment (because there was a studio apartment nearby… supposedly) it only had 2 bedrooms. Even the agent seemed a bit embarrassed when it was pointed out that it was a bit “small.”

The surprising part of this, though, was that it was the guy with the worst mandarin (not even the other Chinese people could understand him well), who was also the one most baffled by us and who could barely understand us that found the apartment I’m currently sitting in. It’s superficial to get into the details of how we actually managed to get the apartment. Running around trying to scrap the money together for the down payment has nothing particularly Chinese to it, except that here we had to come up with the whole amount (all the 6 months) in cash. It wasn’t actually that much, but it did feel strange to hand over such large stacks of banknotes.

The other big problem was that we did not have a cell phone. Once I did buy a sim card I felt really stupid for not doing it immediately. It was easy. Yet at the time, our favorite method of communication was to run back and forth between our hostel and the agencies. Anyway, I should not-as usual-get sidetracked. After we got the money together we ran to the agency and finally got to meet the landlords. An older couple (that at least was my impression, although I now think she may be only in her 50s); he wears glasses and she has crooked teeth, both have a big belly. The man kept cracking jokes, the agents couldn’t stop giggling, neither could we. He humorously commented on my (non) Chinese writing skills, on the agent who was having trouble reading my passport, at our amazement at the fact that one does not only sign the contract but also marks it with a finger print and other such things. Reading Chinese contracts is a hard and messy business, but-to my great surprise-we managed to understand (with a bit of help) most of what I signed on to. At least, I hope so….

 

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